D . E . A . D

Assalamualaikum W.B.T

UPU results just been announced. OH GOD. Like usual, saya berlagak seperti orang kaya yang mampu buat SEGALANYA! CLAP YOUR HAND FOR ME PLEASE.

"93121312**** Dukacita dimaklumkan anda tidak berjaya ditawarkan tempat ke IPTA."

I'm so proud of myself!!!!! I'm offended! Insult me as long as you can. Poeple doesn't want to know your sacrifies, they want to know your SUCCESSFULL.What a jerk. Imma kick your head if i got a chance.

Rayuan just have been sent successfully. I dont even hope. God willing, Kalau rezeki, ada la kan. kalau tiada? I'm from a rich family *floating on BOILING WATER* HAHAHA. IPTS welcoming me. yeahhh!

I've nothing to say left. I'M DEAD. I'M SO DEAD.

Welcome RAMADHAN !

Assalamualaikum W.B.T

Welcome Ramadhan !!!! 

PUASA ! PUASA ! PUASA ! PUASA !

Bila sebut dan dengar pasal puasa, saya menjadi excited MUCH MUCH MUCH ! Best kan puasa? Teringat pulak zaman kanak-2 dulu kala. HAHA. MEMANG LAWAK. puasa macam tak puasa.

Aku start puasa since 9 tahun kalau tak silap. Biasa la puasa kanak-2 ni kan. puasa pun masih jugak aktif nak lari-2, main-2. Sentiasa bertenaga ja dulu. Rindunya puasa pada zaman kanak-2. Dulu puasa bagi pengertian diri aku, puasa ni cuma tak makan nasi + ikan + sayur + air. makanan-2 lain boleh makan. ada pula macam tu kan? HAHAHA. Pernah sekali ter-KANTOI dengan parents cuzzy sebab kami makan keropok time puasa. HAHA. makan maggie time puasa. Bila ingat balik, memang rindu nak jadi kanak-2. Lepas ter-KANTOI, terus insaf. Terus puasa penuh. HAHAHA.

Masa berlalu, dah masuk sekolah menengah. Aku sekolah menengah + tinggal di HOSTEL. Aku tak selalu sangat berbuka dengan family ni. Jadi bila berkesempatan nak berbuka, aku pun memanfaatkan kesempatan yang ada. HIHI. Memang diakui, bersahur dan berbuka di hostel sangat jauh berbeza dengan keadaan dalam rumah.

Di hostel, boleh nampak macam-2 ragam adik-2 yang baru belajar puasa. rindu sangat nak masuk hostel balik. Di hostel juga la, aku belajar bangun sahur sendiri, dan yang paling BEST, kawan-2 non-muslim pula ada yang bangunkan aku sahur. Dorang memang terbaik laaa! Sahur di hostel berbeza sangat. Makan dengan kawan-2, adik-2, kakak-2. Memang best. Waktu berbuka pun sama juga. Setiap petang keluar ke bazaar ramai-2. Daily MENU ialah MARTABAK AYAM+DAGING. perghhhh. sebulan makan benda tu, memang tak pernah nak puasss. sedap sangatttt. HAHA.

Setiap malam mesti ada TARAWIH kan? Pernah sekali SKIP rakaat last tarawih tu, skip witir. HAHA. boleh-2 tertangkap pulak oleh warden. HAHAHA. Terus didenda. Lepas tu tak insaf-2 lagi. Masih jugak SKIP-2 rakaat. And pernah sekali ESCAPE tarawih, duduk-2 makan kuih kat dorm. Lepas tu dengar bunyi  yang menakutkan, terus tak escape dah. Semua tu dah lama berlalu, time form 3 kalau tak silap. HIHI.

Banyak pengalaman kat hostel, aku pernah menjalani sebagai orang yang paling muda di hostel, dan of course paling KAKAK dalam hostel. Last year, batch STPM 2012, aku satu-2nya KAKAK UPPER 6 muslim dalam hostel. Budak-2 suka harapkan aku jalankan apa-2 aktiviti masa puasa. Memang diakui la aku ni tak berapa sangat dalam bidang agama, tak jahil. Aku belum mempunyai keyakinan nak sampaikan sesuatu yang serius. Lebih-2 lagi soal agama. Jadi aku serahkan dekat adik form 5 kat dalam hostel tu. Dia tu kira Assistant aku lah. Memandangkan aku terlalu sibuk dengan assignment yang tertunda, maka MASA ku di dalam surau adalah terhad. Terkadang agak sedih bila solat sendiri dalam bilik. Tapi bila berkesempatan solat bersama, tak ku sia-2kan.

Bila ingat balik, selama 20 tahun aku masih bernafas di bumi ALLAH S.W.T ini, terkadang terasa malu dengan diri sendiri. Apabila terkenangkan saudara seagama di bumi Palestin, Mesir. Malu dengan diri sendiri. Tapi apa yang mampu aku lakukan, cuma DOA yang mampu aku kirimkan. Berharap penindasan terhadap mereka segera dihentikan. AMIN :')

Semoga Ramadhan kali ini, aku mampu memupuk diri aku untuk jadi manusia yang lebih bersyukur, menghargai dengan nikmat ALLAH s.w.t yang telah dicurahkan kepadaku. InshaAllah.

SELAMAT MENYAMBUT BULAN RAMADHAN ! RAYA RAYA RAYA RAYA RAYA RAYA! HAHAHA.

R A N D O M

Assalamualaikum.

Day after day, week after week, month to another month. people change, environmental change, life changing. I? same as before. Not changing at all? I was actually confused with my life now. Really do not understand what I went through. I don't understand !!!!!!!

UPU result akan diumumkan pada minggu kedua bulan JULAI !!! Next week loh :( terrifying week for STPM 2012 students. Stress! Hopefully, permohonan aku ke IPTA diterima. I don't care la mana-2 IPTA pun aku bole jalan. Asal IPTA, aku okay ja. Course? kalau dapat sejarah, struggle la. HAHA. Nauzubillah min zallik, kalau permohonan ditolak, rayuan ditolak, makanya aku akan meneruskan pengajian di IPTS la nampaknya. InshaAllah kalau tiada halangan, sambung study di Unitar. God willing :)

LIFE. Right from the start, you were a thief, you stole my heart. AND I WAS YOUR WILLING VICTIM. Hahaha. lagu pula kan? lagu ni express my feeling, actually. so? Listen it yourself.

Entry kali ini, tak panjang mana. R A N D O M from my mind.

You, Me, and Our PAST.

Assalamualaikum and have a wonderful wednesday.

I quite rarely make entries lately. There is nothing that I want to share. But today, I want to share about something that has happened in my life that made ​​me aware of some of life. For me this is very important. I do not expect people will read what I write. I do not force. I would like to share through writing than speaking directly to anyone. This entry may like the drama that often in TV, but this is the truth. I tell the truth.

5 years ago, I have met with a generally good person in my sight. I have known him in the previous two years, but I was a bit embarrassed to greets. He is actually a good friend to my brother. Classmates actually. I will not tell you all the time, seconds, inches from our first sight. I'll talk generally. Here the story begins.

He was perfect in my eyes, has the features I want. I love what is in him. handsome? He is not handsome like any celebrity. He is handsome as himself. He's shy. Courteous. All I want to have is on him. That is why I think he was perfect.

I was transferred to the another school by my mother. I do not want to be transferred, but what's my to my parents objected to the requirement. I finally did. I was then 15 years old, he was 17 years old. Two years difference does not pose any problem for me. I am happy with him.

Until the time, came a man in my life, steal my heart. I left him alone. I without feeling left him with many questions. Until I let down by the new men present today. I went back to him, he received me with open regardless of that over the years I have left him. How well his heart. I do not know what I was thinking at the time. I too chase appearance. Teenage love. I left him for the second times. But this time, I confess that my heart was stolen by someone else. He agreed. I left him without feeling. how sick his heart at that moment. How awful I am.

We meet after several years, I came across him when he was working. I was shocked. He just smiled at me and I return his smile. I do not think that day was the last day I saw him. two weeks pass, I was told that he had died due to an accident when he was going to work. I was shocked.

I do not think that he died at a young age. But who we are to determine life and death. Only God knows every single scene. I think this could be retaliation on me due to leave him first. I'm sorry. I  don't know what should I do. I have many sins to him. I don't have time to apologize to him. When through the street where he was an accident, I feel sad.

Dan sekarang saya hanya mampu untuk mengirimkan doa kepadanya disetiap sujud, disetiap solat yang saya laksanakan kerana saya sudah terlambat untuk meminta maaf. 30 JUNE 2012-30 JUNE 2013. Sudah setahun dia pergi meninggalkan kami. Namanya, wajahnya, senyumannya, perangainya masih segar dalam ingatan. Al-Fatihah kepada Mohd Fadhli Bin Jani :')

Moral of the story, Sayangi sesiapa sahaja yang menyayangi kita. Hargai sesiapa sahaja yang berada di sisi kita. Sayangi Allah terutamanya, sayangi keluarga, kawan, saudara dan sesiapa sahaja yang berada disekeliling kita sebelum semuanya terlambat. Sesal kemudian tidak berguna kan? Jadikan kisah saya sebagai pengajaran.

I'm always looking at your facebook account when I missed you.